It just so happens to be that if you look around - you may see a common denominator amongst healthy, loving, high functioning families - the parents are actually less strict. 

You know why that is? Because they can be. The children are so trusting and have developed such secure attachments, that they want to follow their parents' values, and do so naturally. 

I recently came across this journal entry from one of mine (and got permission to share it, but blacked out the date ;)

(Btw, gotta LOVE those journals from first and second grade— They. Are. Priceless!!)

(Wait, before you read, don’t judge 🤣!)

… but ya know what?! The important values are there!! 🥳😂 

😂 

Ok! Let’s look at the research. Structural Family Therapy (SFT) - a family therapy approach to creating healthy family systems created by Salvador Minuchin in the 1960’s - posited a whole new idea at that time: pathology is in the Family System and not in the individual. This was a major revelation!

The goal of SFT is to create a healthier family system, and that will create healthier people.  (Remember this was a very novel idea after the Freudian Era). 

Minuchin says that one defining character of a healthy home is having the parents holding the power in the home. 

But listen closely, Newsletter Familia!  Parents holding power in the home does NOT necessarily mean with rules and regulations. This is key.Parents need to hold the control in the home by being in control of their own negative emotions. When parents have the emotion management of a child - and can’t control their own primary or secondary emotions, that is very scary for the child. 

I once read an example: for a child it’s like leaning on the wall of the house, and the wall moves with you. It’s shaky, scary, and you learn that you can’t feel safe in the home. 

This is research based. If you don’t have your emotion management together, it’s on you to learn more. 

If you are in control of yourself and your emotions, and your children feel that they can trust you, they will follow your value system and your rules because they want to. Not because it’s imposed on them. That’s what we want. 🎉

To hear more about the Secrets to Success of healthy families according to the research, buy Our Virtual Course, SOCIAL SKILLS MADE SIMPLE.today. 50% OFF!! 🎉 This course will walk you through everything you need to know to raise an emotionally healthy family. 

On that note, I’m really happy that our no smoking 🚭  rule /value, made it to the top rules in first grade…

Same for the no red drinks upstairs! That is a No No! 

… and actually all of them!!

Impressive, no?! 😂

Shifi