Many of us have that one person in our lives who tells it to us like it is. You know, the one who points out our “unique” mannerism, or the fact that we interrupt people mid-sentence or that our shaitel needs more hair added.

But here’s the thing—what if there are things about ourselves that no one is telling us and we don’t even know?

The Johari Window, a concept created by Joe Luft and Harry Ingram (hence the corny name), helps us understand how we see ourselves—and how others see us. It breaks down our self-awareness into four parts:

 1. The Open (Public) Self – What we know about ourselves and others know too. Think: your love for coffee, your impeccable time management skills or lack of, or our obsession with exercise (or lack of!), what we do, and the open parts of our life that we like to share with others.  

 2. The Blind Self – What others see about us, but we’re totally unaware of. Maybe we dominate conversations, have a nervous laugh, or constantly create chaos —without even realizing it.

 3. The Hidden Self – What we know about ourselves, but keep away from others. This could be our dreams, fears, or that time we behaved in a way that we were less than proud of.

 4. The Unconscious (Unknown) Self – The mysterious, uncharted territory—things neither we nor others know about us. 

While all four quadrants exist in everyone, and there’s a lot to be said about every part, it’s the Blind Self that can be the trickiest to navigate. Often when we are confronted with feedback about our Blind Self, our natural instinct is to deny, rationalize, or become defensive. Discovering our blind spots often requires honest and constructive criticism/feedback from others which is often hard for others to give us, and can be even harder for us to accept. 🙂‍↕️

The goal is to shrink this blind spot and increase self-awareness. Here’s a simple reason why it’s worth it:

More self-awareness = better relationships. 🫶

Want to start uncovering your blind spots outside of therapy? Try these:

•  Ask for feedback. Yes, it may sting a tad. Sometimes. Yet, you can ask for feedback in an honest and gentle way.  A simple, “What’s something I do that I don’t realize?” can be surprisingly insightful. 
• Look for patterns. If you’re having the same disagreements over and over, there’s probably something you’re not seeing.
•  Categorize feedback. Whether it’s from a parent, a spouse, a friend, a boss, or your brutally honest toddler or teenager—listen, reflect, and grow.
•  Share more openly. Intentionally share more info about ourselves creating a more open and transparent communication style.
• Reflect on Blind Spots. Don’t be afraid to learn something new about yourself- despite it being uncomfortable at first.  Learn about it. Journal about it. Connect over it. Never too young, never too old! 

The goal is seeing ourselves more clearly and making small changes that lead to stronger, healthier relationships.

So go ahead, ask for feedback!

… Good Luck!

🩷,

Shifi