Numb. Frozen. Tears. Heartache. Nausea. Head pounding. Body aching. Speechless. 

And then there are emails, texts and WhatsApps asking for words of wisdom, support and encouragement - asking advice on how to talk to children about the grave situation going on in Our Holy Land. 

Asking me? I wonder.  I wish I had something smart to say. 

So I seek and I research, and I read and learn. 

שִׁ֗יר לַֽמַּ֫עֲל֥וֹת אֶשָּׂ֣א עֵ֭ינַי אֶל־הֶהָרִ֑ים מֵ֝אַ֗יִן יָבֹ֥א עֶזְרִֽי׃

This pasuk in Tehilim typically means “I lift my eyes up to the mountains, from where will help come?” 

In a webinar held by Ohel, Dr. Naomi Baum suggested a powerful play on words אֶל־הֶהָרִ֑ים -  In times of crisis, we can read these words “I lift my eyes to the parents  -ההוֹרִים - and wonder from where will help come?” Certainly, our children are lifting their eyes to us and waiting for us to answer some of the most difficult questions.  Just as the child in me still wishes that my own parents would have answers for me. 

We need not have answers. But we do need to understand that our children are lifting their eyes in our direction. And so, as unsafe as we feel, we need to have an approach on how we can support our children through this tumultuous, albeit petrifying, time. 

According to research done after September 11, 2001, watching footage can have a real damaging and long term negative effect on children and even adults. It seems clear from the experts, that as tempting as it may seem to watch footage, staying away from it is the healthier choice. This does not show a lack of empathy, but rather an intentional choice to protect ourselves and our brains from being further traumatized.  

Instead, using the time to help others, or better ourselves and the world at large, is shown to be therapeutic and an effective way to process the events of the day. I am worried about adults, let alone children and teenagers, who are Obsessing over events on instagram, whatsapp, news stations and the damaging effects that they are having. 

Children have a 6th sense, and a strong connection to us, so when we are feeling unsafe, naturally they are too. It is ok to cry and show fear and sadness appropriately, as it is to model all emotion management for children. However, scaring children and creating a sense of imminent danger to them is not only inappropriate but highly traumatic. 

I know it’s a nuanced approach. It’s not meant to be easy. Nothing about this is easy. This is the worst few days of Jewish history since the Holocaust. As the news is unfolding, it’s ok to cry. And it’s ok to be sad. And it’s ok to be scared. 

Appropriately. 

I am attaching Guidelines put out by my personal mentor, Dr. Norman Blumenthal as he outlines and differentiates between the various age groups and how to be there for our children as they lift their eyes in our direction.

I hope it’s helpful. 

Shifi